do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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