i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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