drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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