I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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