Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Come on in and take your pants off
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