thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Randomize
