Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
