i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
