I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
