How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
