Dude my mom stole all your condoms
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
