I only kidnapped one of them. chill
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
