Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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