come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
