he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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