is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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