I am puke
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
