I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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