nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
