New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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