3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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