True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Randomize
