Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
