it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
