There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
