Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
