i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
