My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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