my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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