Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
