why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
