Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
So drunk its hurt
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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