last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
