member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
