I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
