I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
If that was your dad, he is hot
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
