So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
