escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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