three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
