i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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