So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You are a genius and a whore.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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