I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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