i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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