I hate your face
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Couch. On fire.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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