One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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