I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
