my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
