Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
