that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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