Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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