yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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