oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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