In the future we'll all be gay
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
